Do you ever feel invisible? Do you ever feel like someone may be looking at you, but not really seeing you? Maybe they're oblivious, maybe they just don't care.
Have you ever felt on the outside looking in? That you just don't belong. You don't fit the mold. You can't break in to the inner circle. Have you ever felt that no one cares enough to really get to know you? Have you ever wanted the kind of friendship where they would listen to everything about you, and love you just the same, and you would do the same for them?
Have you ever felt inadequate? That you're not good enough. Cool enough. Popular enough. That you're not pretty enough. That you're not worth the time it takes to get to know you.
Have you ever felt lost in a sea of faces? Not worth it? Ordinary. Average.
Do you ever feel...alone?
Yes. Yes I do. I think we all do. We are insecure about who we are and what our purpose on this earth is.
ReplyDeleteBut honest to goodness sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in that uncertainty. In those moments, I look for someone and for some reason I never feel like anyone is there. I feel...invisible. Like I'm alone. That all of these relationships I think I have only truly exist on a surface level. That no one truly knows me. Cares about me. Needs me.
You try and explain. They think you're broken. That they need to try and fix something. When all you need is someone to listen. They think think that you are to sensitive and "can't handle it". They become unwilling to talk about themselves because of it.
You start to believe them. That you're broken. You slowly feel like your falling apart. You think you are nothing. You wonder why you're here.
You feel alone. Isolated. Lost.
Even at my age, I still feel this way.
ReplyDeleteI believe that God designed us this way. He is the only One who "knows" our inner selves, because He created us. He always "sees" us and knows our existence.
I believe He created us this way, so that we would "need" Him. He is the only One who can fill that "empty hole"; that aloneness we all feel within us. We were never meant to find that fulfillment from any other human being. Our "completeness" comes from, and through Him alone.
So, yes, in a sense, we are all broken....it came from the fall of man in the Garden. However, that brokenness is not unique only to our own self....EVERYONE of us is broken. And the answer to that brokenness is of course, not another broken human being, but The One and Only Living God who created each of our inner beings uniquely and desires for us to seek Him, that we may be "known".
God created us to need Him....each time we try to have our "need to be known", fulfilled by other people, we will experience that "emptiness" and "lack of fulfillment," over and over again.
But, we people are stubborn, aren't we??
We will keep trying the way that proves futile. We will bang our heads against the wall over and over...then, the lightbulb comes on and we understand that it is God that we need, but then like the stubborn asses we are, we go back to trying to fill our need with other people, or other things again; until once again we remember, "Oh, yeah, it is God who understands me completely. He is the One who "knows" me and accepts me."
And we seek Him again, for a while... and find our fulfillment, until we once again take our eyes off of Him and begin to look at the world around us. Then we do the head banging again for a while.
But, how patient He is; and how faithful He is. He is always there waiting for us to come to our senses again.